Shari Lynne: As mentioned in the previous post, Sean tends to be more vocal about getting people to move out of the wheelchair-accessible spaces on the CTA buses. I tend to only speak up as loud as he does "when provoked." One such occasion became possible not too long ago, when we were returning home one afternoon.
We had already waited, unjustifiably, for 45 minutes for the 147 (express to downtown) to pick us up at home. When it finally showed up, an EMPTY one passed by all of us without even braking. Next, a full one was right behind him and couldn't let us on. Of course, that driver said, "The bus is full. Don't look at me like I'M the problem."...implying a couple of things, one: that we are a problem (when all we want to do is get from point A to point B.) and that he's not willing to take control of his bus. Even a driver waiting to change shifts was pissed that it not only took so long but that the first jerk passed everyone. Still, we managed to get on a third bus behind the full one and finally getting on our way. We were trying to get to an appointment at the Apple store because the screen on my computer is busted. I was 15 minutes late thanks to the screwy CTA crap. (BTW, it's going to cost $396.74 to fix it, but I will eventually, because I love my Mac!) This was only the beginning.
Sean: On the way back, we ended up getting on the 146, when it pulled up, we had to go out in the street in order to get on the bus, and one jerky passenger couldn't wait and nearly barreled a woman over trying to get on the bus. I had difficulty getting up the ramp (it's VERY steep and dangerous to try to get up the ramp with no curb underneath it) in Shari Lynne's manual chair I've been borrowing. After I got on, the bus driver had to yell to the standing passengers, a couple of times, to move back so we could fit into the spaces. She also said that the bus would not budge until we were both "secure" in the wheelchair-accessible spaces.
Shari Lynne: The jerky passenger who jumped on ahead proceeded to yell at us instead of yell at the people surrounding him to get them to move back. It was an "extendo-bus," as we call it, meaning the bus has an extra cab to accommodate more passengers.
Sean: I had reiterated essentially what the bus driver had said, that the bus wasn't going to budge until we're secure, and it doesn't matter to me if we wait. Finally, people did move back BUT a blonde lady, who was sitting the entire time, decided to be argumentative, I guess, and she said, "I bet it doesn't [bother you]!" I had said, "Well, when you need to be assertive, and people with disabilities especially have to." She responded by saying, "You don't need to be that assertive."
Shari Lynne: This is when I felt provoked! I turned to her with one of my famous looks that said, how dare you! I said to her, "There are only TWO spaces on any given bus in the COUNTRY for people with disabilities to use. If we don't speak up, we're stuck!"
Sean: That's when I jumped in with, "So CRAM IT!" The lady responded, less confidently this time, with, "unbelievable." The passengers near her seemed mortified, and we think more with her audacity.
Shari Lynne: Sean's been urging me to be more assertive and vocal, but it was not as necessary for me until that woman said this. She had no idea what she was talking about. She also was carrying a Coach bag, an iPhone, and looked like she was at least trying to dress fashionably. If she had said one more thing, I would have recommended that she get off the bus and get a taxi. See? We can't even ride in an accessible taxi together (if both of us are using chairs) because they are only big enough to fit one chair at a time!
We didn't have any awkward exchanges since then, other than a few glances on my part. I had this feeling that she was going to end up getting off at our stop after a few where she didn't get move. Sure enough, we live in the same neighborhood. Luckily, we don't live in the same building.
Sean: I wanted to antagonize her more when we were getting off the bus, but Shari Lynne reminded me that would just be passive-aggressive, and it wouldn't change anything. However, it was entertaining, and therapeutic, for both of us to joke about it on our way to the apartment.
Shari Lynne: This is why we call her our Blonde Friend, because it's ironic. She had an opportunity to be empathetic, but she chose otherwise. We hope to never really run into her again, but figure it's possible.
Remember that it is best to kill them with kindness. It's not easy, I know. It's something my parents and grandparents taught me. Confrontation should be a last resort. Some people just don't care about anyone but old number one.
ReplyDeleteI do remember so many times when you were a baby how rude people could be, Shari. It would have been nice to give them a piece of my mind. But as your Grandma Hampton would say - "You can't spare it!" Of course, she was right.
As my hubby says, " It is the squeaky wheel that gets the oil!!" Assertiveness does not come easily. It is much easier to pretend that all is well, and gosh, golly shouldn't we all make nice, nice. But the truth is that if I had not had Sean in my life to educate me to the real life situations he faces on a daily basis, I would not know or be aware. What we are talking about is making people aware. Don't forget that everyone who watched the exchange was learning something, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm a firm believer in self-advocacy and being assertive. I became disabled at 13. I got bullied and taunted by people, had rude comments, etc. I used to put up with it. It gets old really quickly. My mother at one point started urging me to be more vocal, assertive, and to stand up for myself, so I did.
ReplyDeleteYesterday, Shel Trapp died. He was a community organizer and the person who showed ADAPT how to organize when it was founded. He said, "Very often people think they can change things if they're just nice, if they're just respectable. They think they can show the enemy facts and figures and they will see the light. A slumlord knows he's a slumlord 99 percent of the time. When he changes it's not because of good will but because someone forced him too." I believe this is apt as it also applies to everyday situations like what Shari Lynne& I experienced and will continue to experience. We all should pick and choose our battles carefully, however, this does not mean we can always 'play nice' all the time.